"i'm not afraid of dying, i'm afraid of not trying" - jay-z, "beach chair"

i've been listening to a lot of his back material of late, but my favourite song at the moment has to be this track off of his latest LP.. and though all three of his verses on this track are pretty much quotable, i've selected the parts that highlight it..

"Some said HOV, how you get so fly
I said from not being afraid to fall out the sky
My physical's a shell, so when I say farewell
My soul will find an even higher plane to dwell
So fly you shall -
so have no fear, just know that life is but a beach chair"

"No compass comes with this life - just eyes
So to map it out, you must look inside
Sure books can guide you - but your heart defines you"

"lot of speculation, on the monies i've made, honeys i've slayed - how is he for real? is that n*gga really paid?" - jay-z, "a million & 1 questions"

jus had to post this up as it came on.. classic Jay lines plus Primo's grit-inspired greatness on the extended remix.. right from the opening intro, Jigga sets it off by confidently asserting that he's never gonna fall off.. now, tens years after the original track came out in '97, i gotta say he hasn't fallen off one bit..

"Popie gave me one pie, but it cook like two
I'm a crook like you,
Cats around my way was buyin brand new whips and shit, what else could I do?
Know when I'm supposed to style,
I'm the huster's poster child, Rock lizards and crock-a-dile
Live ironic and what-not
Put all that ice on the face of a watch just to make it hot"

pretty impressive catalogue for him to retire on, if he ever does retire ;)

"bring me my slippers, black robe, and my globe - and i could rule the world with my eyes closed" - ice cube, "until we rich"

a favourite of mine since i first started diggin rap music when i was a young'n, Ice Cube's contributions to the west coast hiphop scene and general rap culture are overwhelming..

on this track, his trademark frankness and straightforward delivery work perfectly with Krayzie Bone's laid-back vocals..

"Look into my eyes if you wanna know me
Before you hypnotized, homey what do you see...
A figure that's just a little bigger than dealers
A hustler countin figures ain't pulled no triggers
Can you dig us, we be the ultimate lick
We's the hitters, that make the ultimate hits
Kinda floss-ey, kinda boss-ey
It's gotta be done my way, do what the fuck I say"

"it's time to rethink every fact that is imagineable, survival instinct dwells in a past that is inhabitable" - sage francis, "runaways"

i'm probably goin to raise some eyebrows of those in the know with this relatively obscure selection.. then again, those actually in the know should appreciate exactly why this song grips me as it does..

music to me is all about depth.. a clever hook or a catchy beat only goes so far, and thats why i would take Sage Francis's frank depiction of a troubling childhood over real music rather than Ludacris & Mary J Blige's commercial-format soul-lacking shock-single..

"Time seeps into our skin, age indicates how long we've been lost in space -
I keep putting expression-less looks on my face
An awful waste of human skin, who waits for Autumn to begin
My fall from grace, will do me in too late (I'm out of seasoning)
No spring chicken, summer romance novel writer could win a prize
It's Nobel, go to hell in a riding vehicle that he winterized"

"you gettin older player, look at those who gave up" - nas, "life we chose"

bein a Nas track, there are a plethora of quotables.. but these closing lines stick out the most to me:

"Who's wrong? Foul all your life, now you 90
On your deathbed, you regret bein grimy?
What's lust, a bust nut? What's a thug?
A ghetto child raised around drugs, til he's old enough to bust slugs?
Then what's jail, to rehabilitate, or to make a nigga worse
when he come home to catch another case?
Life's about decisions, you choose it, you gotta live it
You did it, heaven or hell or prison -
Who knows when your clock'll stop tickin, get your weight up
Save up before it's over neighbor, I told ya:
You gettin older player, look at those who gave up"

another neglected jewel from the G.O.A.T. - even if not for anything else, simply because of the impact his music has had on own my life and thoughts..

PS. if you can, try to check out the much sleeker and sexier remix of this with MF Doom's jazzy genius of an instrumental..

"like a rhinoceros, my speed is prosperous - pure knowledge expands from my esophagus" - smooth b, "dwyck"

=) its as they say, i guess.. we all learn something new every day, and that in itself is a sign that life is not only worthwhile, but precious.. what we might not necessarily think to do might make a world of difference in someone else's life, and sharing ourselves with others allows all parties involved to share in a common happiness.. i think i always go through my days with a plan when i wake up - yet it never ceases to surprise me when i catch myself growing on a daily basis..

i couldn't have asked for a better start to Kayce Models, and i will continue doin my best for all of our girls down this road.. coz in the course of my life thus far, i've been blessed to have met and made amazing friends who've inspired me to dream and i too want to leave a legacy of having made positive differences in the lives of my closest friends and associates..

idealistic? probably... important? most definitely..

and, as i conclude this random entry, the term "knowledge of self" drifts into my head, hmmmm... maybe i'll let those thoughts out another time, for now - back to the grind..

is it a coincidence that the late-great is playin on my system? "gimme the loot, gimme the loot" ;)

"one of the meanest and the cleanest, and still i'm kinda fiendish when i'm at this.." - guru, "royalty"

as i was thinkin of names to brand the URL of this page for the longest time, an introspective lyric from an old track of mine came back to me randomly.. "and maybe i'm jus foolish and vain - with truth as my game - i'm crazy, but its too late to change.."

though one of my stronger lines in the verse, and perhaps one of the defining moments of the album, that line on its own only lives to tell a part of the story.. the song, titled "All I Want," comes off of my second full-length album "Surfacing" (June, 2005 - link) and perhaps is an apt embodiment of the tone of this entire column..

it is my life philosophy that i, and only i, can set out to seek my own destiny, hopefully learning along the way to not make the same mistake twice.. on the song, i touch on all of the things i want in life.. and though written while i was seventeen, the tone of the piece is as far from immature as i can probably ever get..

i explain my dreams, my fears, my sacrifices, and my insights in the first verse before delving into a painfully blunt apology in the form of a chorus.. a chorus half-devoted to communicating self-awareness of my faults and half-devoted to begging acceptance of my loving, but difficult parents.. in the second verse, i explain that my words and my music are what i use to express myself - to wake the rest of the world up to what i've experienced and seen - before concluding with the confident humour of "so don't be alarmed, coz i'm not arrogant or cocky - i just know what i want.."

that album was my introduction to the big stage, then-relatively speaking.. now, over three and a half years later, i realize that just about everything in my life has changed except for me..

i still want all of those things, all of those dreams. i still want to have a daughter to love, and i still want to do good through my art.

at age 17 i knew what i know now about myself.. the only difference is that sometime in these past three and a half years of loving/hurting/growing/changing i realized that knowing myself was only half the battle, and that how i apply myself to my life still depends on my everyday thoughts and actions..

which brings me to the actual title of this blog: "the heart of the matter vs. discipline.."

the first part of that came to me upon hearing a song by India Arie (yea, i was surprised too) by the same title.. that song spoke of forgiveness - a trait i constantly work to incorporate into my repertoire - and stressed the importance of togetherness.. now, as fortunate as i've been to have had the talents i've had (and arguably still have) and as blessed as i've been to have had encountered so many inspirational individuals, forgiveness is a quality i've yet to master..

tying into the second part of the title, "discipline" is the other characteristic paramount to my success.. as a naturally-quick learner, i've never not been able to do anything i wanted to do, which led to my over-dependency on ability while often neglecting aspects of the execution..

since the summer, i've written that phrase - each part pitted together in an ironic summation of my personal goals - everywhere my thoughts would land.. on looseleaf pieces of paper i wrote my essays on, on the backs of contracts - even on the end of my MSN display names..

and so it is, at the conclusion of my first entry "back" writing after a two-year hiatus.. i wanted to keep it simple, short and sweet, and i ended up writing more than anything i wrote in high school.. i concede that some of my motivation for wanting to write this column stem from merely wanting an opportunity to write on a daily basis again prior to commencing on the meat of my booooook (shhhh..), but i hope i've still got the juice to inspire and the audience to appreciate - 2007 should be a fun year..