I've been urged to write this (my "birthday party wrap-up") for a good week or so now by my best friend, but as we know all too well by now, my heart has a mind of its own. When I want to do something, not much is ever really able to stop me from accomplishing it.. and when I don't do something, I guess there's always a good reason - even if I sometimes can't figure out the 'why' myself.. Before we get into that, an update:
Work-wise, we've accomplished a lot in the past two weeks - it feels good to finally see the wheels put in motion after months and months of deliberation & planning of what we are about to do. If this sounds vague to you, it's meant to. (For those involved with our organization, it'll make perfect sense.) But in short - just so I don't paint a picture using a wizard's wand - we've re-organized a lot of things across the board with both Kayce Models & Kayce Photography, staying cognizant of the growth both companies have experienced while maintaining a progressive attitude towards future projects we have in the works. Yep, I was born to be a PR person wasn't I?
All jargon aside, what that means is that the steady stream of accessible Kayce-related content that you've become accustomed to will be back shortly - in a medium bigger and better than ever. The shift you notice in our approach isn't accidental, but we think you'll like it, as it reflects on the growth we've collectively made over the past year or so.
And, now that we're on the topic of growth, I'll ease into the main topic of this entry, and the dominant theme that seems to manifest itself in my thoughts,
especially around this time of year.
You see, I'm fascinated with the idea of self-improvement. I believe that being aware of one's self, in all shapes and forms whether conscious or sub-conscious, is one of the most valuable assets an individual can have. And so, since the time I've been 16 or so, I've been fixated on evaluating my personal growth every year around the time of my birthday.
This particular year, I've thought a lot about the choices I make in terms of trusting others, and in terms of the kinds of friends I've chosen to surround myself with. We've all heard the adage that each of us is a mere by-product of what is around us - I'm sure. Well, in my line of work, I come across hundreds (literally) of new potential associates every month, and though the connections vary drastically with each, the underlying motivation behind each of these interactions largely remains the same - individuals recognize me as someone who can help them attain their goals, and in every situation I, and I alone, have to filter out those rare few who possess not only the skills necessary for whatever project we work on together, but also the character I look for in terms of being a successful, trustworthy individual I can invest worthwhile time into. Nothing surprising with this assessment though, I've simply described the real world.
The disturbing aspect of all this starts to creep in when I think about how little I'm truly able to trust even those select few who I've already identified as 'the best of the bunch'. Maybe I'm just a pessimist, but if so, I've been a pessimist since I've been 16, coz I've more or less felt this way about people in general since then. And I've always hated it. Maybe I should've been born a few millennia earlier, in simpler times. Maybe things would've been the same then.
As I've gotten older, I've simply learned to accept disappointment more readily, and to appreciate those precious few who fall on the opposite end of the spectrum - the transcendent individuals who are able to love, and give, with all that they know, simply because they want to - to give, and to love.
It's a realization I've come to gradually, but it really hit me following my first ever birthday party we threw at an intimate lounge last Friday (pictures on my Facebook page:
here). I never thought much of the occasion so I never celebrated previously, despite the pressure others have put on me over the years - I simply wanted the opportunity to bring some of my close friends together for a night, if nothing else, just to meet each other. And so, I only told a few people in advance of this party, hoping that they'd be able to make it out.
In the end, a couple girls I've considered
family for some time didn't come out. One was too busy with schoolwork, which is somewhat understandable, except for the fact that she knew about this night for some time in advance and could've worked around it if she really wanted to. One girl had a legitimate reason, but one other had an even
worse excuse than the first one.
I could end this discussion simply by saying that I was pretty disappointed with two of these girls. But in actuality, I think more positives came from the night than did negatives, as afterwards I couldn't stop thinking about why some of my closest friends have cared about me as much as they have over the years, when others I also regard as equally-close friends obviously don't care as much. I thought about all the stupid things I've done over the years, from the times when I was an abrasive and impulsive high school teen, to some of the lows I've gone through just in the past year, and I thought - why do I have friends that
still believe in me
so much and seem to support me unconditionally in everything that I do?
The only answer I can come up with is that I've been blessed - I often consider myself the luckiest person in the world when I think about my life, and what I've been through. I might not be religious, but I definitely feel that I've had guardian angels with me throughout my life.. So, as my 22nd birthday nears, this post is written for the special(est) girls of my life whose words are always with me, and whose touch I'll never forget:
None of my 'success' could ever have been possible without each of you. Your impact on my life comes across in the way I carried myself. It comes across in the way I wrote each of my verses in every one of my songs. It comes across in the way I loved, and gave, to those around me. And now, your impact on my life can be seen in
these photos, with my newfound smile - (which is still a work in progress, but alcohol helps it seems, haha.) I guess my most recent ex was right after all - I could
never stop loving you girls, and I will
always love you girls.
After this post, I guess my next girlfriend (in a couple years, haha) is
definitely gonna have to be secure with herself eh? =P
8:31am, a day in the life..
______________________________________
“What if life wasn't long, and everybody got just a single moment...”
- Ben's Brother, “God By Another Name”
Today's selection comes from a UK band I came across a couple weeks ago that I've grown fond of over time for a bunch of reasons. At some point I'll def post their single, which has been one of highlights in my recent playlist, but I really appreciate the fact that I don't dislike too many of their songs, which is rare for me. The band's name is derived from the fact that the lead singer, a self-described "beta-male," always felt that he was living in the shadow of his more popular, assertive brother, Ben. A pretty honest admission, if you ask me, and that same frankness also drives the band's art, both lyrically and musically. As you can see, I've highlighted the entire song in bold, and that's because I actually like the entire song lyrically, pretty cool stuff..
What if life wasn't long
And everybody got just a single moment?
If you wasted the moment alone
Spent your while time thinking: "Why should I need love?"
Then look above to the sky and beyond
Cos you don't know what you've got ‘til it's gone, believe me
Everybody needs a lover sometimes
And you were mine
My God by another name
Everybody needs a lover sometimes
And you were mine
My shelter from the rain outside
What if life was a car
And you didn't really know how to start it
Would you sit in your car like a clown
Or get out and walk to the nearest crowded bar?
And kiss a mouth, make it smile and be proud
That at least you had a good time for a while?
Believe me
Everybody needs a lover sometimes
And you were mine
My God by another name
Everybody needs a lover sometimes
And you were mine
My shelter from the rain outside
And if you hold on to me now
And never let go
Then I guess at least we'll know
The sense that it all made, oh
Cos everybody needs a lover sometimes
And you were mine
My God by another name
Everybody needs a lover sometimes
And you were mine
My shelter from the rain outside
But you stayed
